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Transformational Talk

Surviving the Loss of a Child

Do you know how to survive the loss of a child? This is the worst pain any parent/grandparent can encounter. At first you may be numb as your bodymind offers anesthesia. You may not feel anything and you don’t have to. This is a gift, however temporary. Sooner or later your soul will call for you to feel and find peace. Conversely, you may find yourself unable to stop crying, fearing you’ll never be happy again.

Here’s the tip: Give yourself all the space you need for mourning. No pressure, no blame. Receive the support of friends and family. When anyone sobs in your presence, take solace in knowing this is lightening your emotional load. Your brain’s mirror neurons are firing just as if you were crying yourself.

Next, your body knows just how much crying you need to do at any one moment to relieve stress. There are not enough tears or time in the universe to honor the truth of your heartbreak – so, pace yourself. It’s also okay to shake your fist in anger. This is unfair. Put aside any guilt. Guilt is your mind’s attempt to cope with the immense anger and sorrow of your situation. Breathe. Feel. Find support in sunlight, sleep, movement and nature.

Finally, though it may seem impossible, one day you will once again feel the soft pulse of life rising within you. Until then allow the love of others to enfold you and hold you close. You are not alone. ©

Penelope Young Andrade, LCSW Call: 858-481-5752 fax: 858-484-8374 email: