Dear Arielle and Brian:
I am ambivalent about having a soulmate because I love my space and I dont want to give up my independence and wonderful life. My last marriage took me years to recover from. My husband was very controlling and smothering. How can I have both love and independence?
Guess what? Not all men are smothering and controlling. In facts, zillions of men would just LOVE an independent woman like you!
One of the main reasons we so strongly believe in creating a soulmate wish list is for exactly this reason. You know better than anyone that type of person your heart desires and HOW you would prefer your relationship to be structured. Why is the list important? Think of it this way: When you are looking for a new job, you have a list of items you need this new job to provide in terms of income, tasks, commuting time, work environment, possibilities for promotions, etc.
When you go to the grocery store you bring a list of the items you need to stock your fridge and pantry with in order to feed your family. You also need a list to place your order for a soulmate with the Universe. On this list we suggest that you begin by asking for a partner that is ready, willing, and available (very important!) for a long-term, committed, monogamous marriage (or relationship if you dont care to be married).
Next, you want to be specific about geography if you plan to stay in your same city you want to ask for someone who already lives in your area or is willing to move. Then, you can add in the most important traits and qualities you want them to possess including statements that may say things like appreciates and enjoys my independence, etc.
We encourage you to ask for what you REALLY want, even if that means you want a soumlate who is willing to live in separate homes or different cities. (Wasnt it Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy who lived across the street from each other?)
So often people just hope that the perfect man or woman will magically appear and then they settle for the next person that shows up, even if that person isnt a great match for them. To the best of your ability, be relaxed and lighthearted about your soulmate search. And, never doubt the Universes ability to deliver your true love or your own ability to discern what true love really means for you.
Jenny, remember that in Big Love you can have both love and independence.
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,
Arielle & Brian